Depends where your calories come from

This post is part of LIFT's 7 part #ConnectionKindness series 
For Tip #1, click here | For Tip #2, click here
For Tip #3, click here | For Tip #4, click here

As crisis moves towards a new norm of sorts during this COVID-19 pandemic, I’m coaching leaders in a diverse range of industries to take this opportunity to lead at their best.

And it’s reinforcing, many times over, what we all know — but often forget (yes, including me 🤭) — that listening is an art form and now, more than ever, it’s a key component to how we successfully unite our teams and navigate this unprecedented change.

Which in many ways, is right now, creating a new world that our kids, and their kids, will read about as history!

To help you keep this historic leadership path simple, I’m going to give you advice that’s a little contradictory. Hear me out? 🙏

You see, I’m going to ask you to listen more. And then I’m going to ask you to listen less.

Huh?

^{[Image: Thanks Magda Ehlers via Pexels]}

Okay, about the more.

Yes, every leadership program tells you to listen 👂 but in relation to uncertainty (AKA “Rona”) — when so many people are feeling so uncertain, anxious or exhausted (or all three!) — it’s more important than ever to listen. REALLY well. Because that’s the way we create a sense of safety, consistency and trust. And that’s what helps you as a leader, to engage and influence the team you lead (in a good way, of course) during this mega change process.

But if you have so many things on your list and you’re going through them (even just in your head) while only half listening – in person, on the phone or on Zoom — the person who’s trying to share with you, knows.

So, if that’s you with the busy task list, please take a step back from “busy” and do the most powerful thing a leader can. Just… listen.

This means having the courage to NOT be busy, to be present with others. No matter how tempting, don’t jump ahead in your mind. Stay curious to be still and listen because you might miss something. And during fast constant change, I can guarantee you’ve already missed something… it’s not possible for any ONE leader to know it all. 

AN INCREDIBLY QUICK QUIZ

Q: How else will you gather information AND build trust, if you’re not fully listening? 

A: You won’t.

I’m the first to admit: listening doesn’t come easy to me; I like talking!  But my lifelong learning to change this started with what my grandmother told me: “We have one mouth and two ears so use them in that proportion, Cherelle!”

When I find myself in a conversation and wanting to talk too soon (side note: it’s nearly always too soon), I take a deeper breath. Usually a few seconds later, that person has shared something unexpected and I’m thankful I took that breath instead of taking over.

I know it's counterintuitive; as a leader you’ve been successful by knowing all the answers, doing ALL the talking. But this New World 🌏 is unknown to all of us. The most agile, innovative, courageous leaders who bring clarity and calm are ALWAYS great listeners. More listening means that you create an environment where you’re open to hearing different views, trying new ways with your team and collaborating to problem solve… all essential for our organisations’ survival right now.

So what about me telling you to listen less and why on earth would I do that (especially after I’ve just said listen more)?

Listening is like food calories. How good or bad they are for your body, depends on where they’re coming from. A calorie from a vegetable is not a calorie from a block of chocolate (but oh, how I wish!)

Same with listening calories. If you get them from “junk” sources, then yes, I’m going to urge you to limit your exposure.

I want you to look after your precious energy levels. Take in less noise and reduce the volume of that noisy material too. Just pick a couple of trusted sources, stick to them, and lose the rest.

If you haven’t already, set some healthy boundaries around your use of social media. If it’s energising you: great; if not stay away! And avoid all the fear-based stuff… I know its hard to look away but I can guarantee: it’s not serving you.  Fear leads to anxiety, blame and back to busy… further away from leading at your best at work or at home.

So protect your energy balance, and your team, by getting your listening calories from trusted organic sources, such as watching my #ConnectionKindness Tip 5 video at the top of this post, on Listening.

PS: Remember to join our FREE Courage Creators Community on Facebook. You don’t want to miss our next Live on Tuesday 28 April at 8 pm, where we're talking about Listening to your Grandmother: How to build a sense of safety, unity and trust by talking less. ). 

Also in this community, we'll be starting our new uplifting weekly review of two bestselling “old” classics that are super-relevant to you and our courage to lead at work and at home in our “new” world right now! These two books are, by far, the most influential that I’ve recommend to senior leaders in coaching sessions:  Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers written in 1987 and spookily relevant for today, and Brenē Brown’s Rising Strong (this is the less famous of her books but… I’d say holds the key to crisis resilience, mindset, story rewriting and more).

PPS: If you’re a leader feeling tired, overwhelmed, and a little confused on your purpose in this new world, reach out for a super-fast battery recharge of clarity, calm and courage, in a 30 minute online session (read: very little downtime, massive ROI 💪), sign up for Connection Wellness Coaching. Don’t lead alone; find out more here.